Aussie Wit   Leave a comment

You know, the Formula 1 paddock is going to be a boring place next place without the wit and humor of current Red Bull Racing’s Mark Webber, who is set to depart at the end of 2013 for the FIA’s World Endurance Championship; one reason for this, as ESPN F1 noted (link above), is the Aussie’s downright caustic & dry yet very comedic wit and humor…quoting:

On finding Australian sponsors to bring to his first drive at Minardi in 2002…

“It is big money, Formula One. I mean, a million Australian dollars is £350,000, which is nothing. Ten million is £3 million, which is serious money – but ten million Aussie dollars can buy a lot of Utes!”

On the complexities of a modern F1 car…

“They make a female look low maintenance these days, mate”

On comparing himself with 2009 world champion Jenson Button…

“Unfortunately, when I got myself in a good car, I had Sebastian as a teammate. Jenson didn’t have that at Brawn; he had Rubens”

On being rear-ended by Romain Grosjean at the start of the 2012 Japanese Grand Prix…

“It was that first-lap nutcase again”

On his first impressions of the Valencia street circuit…

“The track is like a Tesco car park”

On whether Formula One should go racing in Bahrain in 2011…

“When people in a country are being hurt, the issues are bigger than sport. Let’s hope the right decision is made”

On what was going through his mind while passing Fernando Alonso at Eau Rouge in 2011…

“You don’t have much time to get the calculator out at that point”

On winning the British Grand Prix after being given an earlier-spec front wing to team-mate Sebastian Vettel over the weekend…

“Not bad for a No. 2 driver”

On qualifying a tenth shy of pole position and Red Bull team-mate Sebastian Vettel at the 2010 Australian Grand Prix…

“It was a bee’s dick off pole, but at least I’m on the front row. I’ll sleep fine tonight. I will be happy in the morning when I wake up in a good position to have a good race. In fact, I’m getting happier every minute”

On team-mate Sebastian Vettel overtaking him for victory at the 2013 Malaysian Grand Prix despite being told by the team to hold position behind Webber…

“The team made a decision to get the car to the end. But Seb made his own decisions and will have protection. That’s the way it goes”

On whether he’s ever been tempted to punch Sebastian Vettel…

“My dad always said you shouldn’t hit boys, mate”

On his motivation ahead of the start of the 2008 season…

“You’ve got to push yourself in Formula One; it’s not tiddlywinks, it’s a bloody important sport and you go into it each year trying to test yourself”

Reflecting on his decision to race for Williams rather than Renault in 2005 (Renault went on to win the 2005 and 2006 titles)…

“The scoreboard never lies and spilt milk is something I haven’t been a big fan of either. You’ve just got to get on with it. What’s wrong with using the word ‘mistake’? I’ve said I’ve f***ed up. I made a mistake, it was my personal mistake. It’s not really regrets, I have to live with it and get on with it”

On Adrian Newey…

“When I go to the factory it’s always a good sign when I see his car there, I’m happy. He is such a beacon for our team. For us, when it is a bit smelly, he just sticks to his guns, and when it’s going well, you never notice it”

On the charms of Monte Carlo…
“I think it’s a very dramatic backdrop, I love the ocean and I love the cliff faces. To have a race track here is quite exceptional. But for me, in terms of all the small dogs and the handbags and that sort of stuff, it’s not really my thing, mate”

On the fickle nature of Formula One after a disappointing year with Williams in 2005…
“If you have a tough weekend you have got nowhere to hide. If you have a fantastic weekend you get rewarded, everyone thinks you are a legend. There is no grey area in this sport. It is a fine line between the Whitehouse and the Shithouse, that’s the way it is, always has been, always will be”

On Formula One in 2013…
“The whole category is geared around tyres at the moment. Everything is around tyres. Tyres, tyres, tyre, tyres, tyres. Obviously you go around way under the potential of the car. It’s not a lot of fun but that is how it is”

On Cosworth’s engine budget compared to its rivals’ in 2006
“They can’t lunch engines like they’re going out of fashion, like Honda”

On having the last piece of metal removed from his leg, four years after breaking it while cycling in Tasmania…
“Home and feeling great. Last bit of metal out of my lower leg. Feeling lighter already”

In response to a call from the pit wall at the 2006 Brazilian Grand Prix to let Williams team-mate Nico Rosberg pit first…
“Don’t think so mate. Britney’s in the wall”

It will definitely be weird watching Formula 1 next year and not seeing Mark Webber there…I just hope the WEC’s ready for his particular brand of humor. Just saying.

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Posted August 10, 2013 by Matthew in Uncategorized

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