Dealing With Bipolar Depression   Leave a comment

My name is Matthew…and I have bipolar disorder.

There, I said it; wasn’t so hard…if only my bipolar were this easy to talk about…if – like me- you’ve ever suffered from bipolar depression – as I have for several years now – it can almost feel like you’re on two different worlds; when you’re in the midst of a manic high, you feel as though you cannot stop moving or going…you’re constantly going, your mind’s racing, you can’t sleep, and on and on and on…

When you’re in the midst of a depressive low, however, it can seem like – as it has for me over the years – absolute hell on earth. You sleep all the time, you have constant thoughts of hopelessness and sadness, you cry inexplicably, you lash out at the world for no reason, you have panic attacks where you literally feel as though you’re crawling out of your skin…there’ve even been occasional times – and it’s hard for me to say this – there have been times where I’ve wanted to kill myself, that’s how bad it got at times.

As I once said to my nephew, Chris, a few years ago after being diagnosed as bipolar, its’ akin to walking through a minefield where each step you take could – mentally speaking – blow up right in your face; what has helped me in my struggles with bipolar disorder is that I’ve been able to take one of my manic streaks – the tendency to talk and talk and talk and so on – and use it to my advantage in that, whenever I’m talking to my therapist or my general practitioner, I’m able to describe what I’m feeling, what I’m going through…but there have been times, especially before I was diagnosed, where I’ve wanted to scream at the world and say, “I NEED HELP!” and yet, until I hit rock bottom in my life, no one would listen or no one would pay attention to what was going on…

Put simply, bipolar disorder is a roller-coaster that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Consider this an open thread…


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